Sunday, May 18, 2014

A Child's First True Hero: Dad

I thought this post would be appropriate as Father's day is just around the corner.  I want to start off by saying that I have absolutely no contact with my biological father.  The last time we spoke I was 18 years old and we had a disagreement over what he thought was normal behaviour on his part (I disagreed) and he hung up the phone on me.  He was a very abusive man towards my mother and my siblings and I.  My mother told him to leave after my sister and I told her to make a choice between him and us.  Oh sure after the separation, we did see him every other weekend for about 3 months and then all contact stopped. He just left.  We had no idea where he had gone and to be honest, I really didn't care.  I didn't find him again until that last phone call when I was 18.  He has a new life in Arizona with his new wife and her 3 kids. He never looked back.

What truly makes me sad, is the fact that he has no idea that he is a grandfather to my 4 beautiful children, my brothers 2 children and my sisters' soon to be 2 children. Although, at the end of the day, he really isn't a man I want in their lives. I am sure that I won't ever try to get in touch with him again and I am okay with that. Although my daughter does know that he wasn't a very nice man and that he used to hit me a lot, I am not sure what I will do if they ever want to try and contact him. I don't really want them to have anything to do with him but he is their biological grandfather, but I will cross that bridge if I ever have to.

So now that we have that out of the way, I wanted to really just discuss fathers versus dads. After that conversation, I never considered him anything more than a sperm donor, harsh I know, but that 's exactly what he became to me.  I really wish things had been different because what child doesn't want their father in the their life in whatever capacity they are capable of.  But alas, he ran and was capable of nothing more than donation. He lost his chance to be my dad and grandfather to my kids and there in lies the difference.

Any man can father a baby but it really does take a real man to be a dad.  It takes an even bigger man to be a father figure to a child that isn't even his. I really didn't have a great role model in which to compare other men to.  I have learned that being a dad means truly being there, being plugged in and just unconditionally loving your children.  Picking them up and brushing them off, all the while telling them they have to try again.  A dad is there to protect you and be your hero. Always your cheerleader.  He will listen and above all, just love you.

Now my step-dad and I haven't always seen eye to eye but at the end of the day I could ask him to do something for me and he would be there.  He walked me down the aisle for my first marriage and was there to help pick up the pieces when it fell apart.  He stood with my now husband as his best man for my second marriage.  We get along as well as any step-dad and daughter could and I know I can count on him.


So now that I am a mother, I am glad that my 3 children from my first marriage are lucky enough to have 2 real men in their lives, 2 heroes.  Their father, although he was not a great husband or father when we were married, he has become an amazing dad now.  He loves them wholeheartedly, he's plugged in and he tries his best with what he knows a father should be (his father passed away when he was 8).  My husband, their step-dad also loves them unconditionally.  We also have a son together and his love is no different for him than the other 3.  That makes him an amazing man in my books.  When a man can love another mans' children they way he does, there is no greater love.  I am so amazingly happy and thankful that my children will grow up with two men who are real men.  They love these kids unconditionally and that is all a child really needs.

So to all the real men in the world, thank you.  Thank you for helping to make our little people, great big people.  Thank you for carrying us on your broad shoulders and for using them to protect us.  So this Father's Day, say thank you, say I love you, make sure they know how absolutely important they are to you and how thankful you are that they are your dad.

9 comments:

  1. I'm struck again by the amazingly parallel lives we've led. I haven't talked to my father since I was 18 either. Completely different story - but what a coincidence.

    I'm so happy for you and your children (and for your mother that matter), that you've done so much better the second time around. This is a beautifully written piece.

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    1. Okay seriously starting to freak me out now lol It really does seem that we had the same life lol Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Sorry that your relationships with some pretty important men didn't work out, however, it's lovely that you recognize the ones that did.

    Like I say with Mother's Day, Father's Day should be every day too. Thanks for sharing.

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo

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  3. I can't imagine the hurt you must've felt and I am so glad that not only you but your children do have amazing and caring men in their lives.

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  4. That is a wonderful post for Father's Day. Fortunately, I have a wonderful dad who has been married to my mom for over 45 years. He is also a fantastic grandfather to 13 beautiful children. I am also blessed to have a fabulous husband who is a wonderful father to our five children. My oldest has a different biological father who is not in her life anymore (except they keep in contact through text messages and Facebook). My husband adopted her when she was six and loves her unconditionally like our other four children. He is the only dad she knows.

    I enjoyed reading this! Have a terrific weekend!

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    1. Thank you fr sharing. I am so glad that you had a wonderful dad to grow up with and that your kids do too. It's so important. Thanks for stopping by :)

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  5. Wow, very touching thank you for sharing, sorry to hear that you have had some tough times. Sounds like you are in a great space now. As a father/dad I always wonder am I doing a good job, I truly want to be the best.

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and reading my blog! You know I think the best thing any father can do is just be there and be plugged in. Share with your kids and give them your time, really I think that is all they ask for. I am in a really great place now and thankfully so are my kidlets!

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